Marriage

Over the years I’ve compiled bits of wisdom about marriage. Nothing fancy, just simple ideas that I’ve found to be entirely true.

In no particular order:

  • Communicate obsessively.
  • Lift each other up.
  • Be honest, especially when it’s hard.
  • Dream. Make plans together. Set goals.
  • Intimacy has four parts: emotional, intellectual, sexual and experiential. Invest evenly and constantly.
  • Be a good leader and a good follower.
  • Cuddle, hug and hold hands – in private and in public.
  • Hold each other to a high standard.
  • But remember that you’re both human. You will both make mistakes.
  • Forgive mistakes fast.
  • Have sex often. Treat it as play. The priority is fun. Pleasure, not performance.
  • Want the other person to win.
  • Make your marriage the highest priority in your life. Your children, health, and career will only benefit from this focus.
  • Keep working on your own growth and healing.
  • Your partner loves your body. Don’t worry about whether they do; focus on making sure that you do.
  • Be curious about each other’s experiences.
  • Be patient.
  • Don’t hide your finances. You’re in this together.
  • Desire the building of a life, not the destination of a life.
  • Say “I love you” a lot.
  • Say it when its easy and when it’s difficult.
  • No one hates being brought a glass of water. Don’t ask, just do it. Tea too.
  • Check-in during a the work-day.
  • Do chores without telling your partner what you did. It doesn’t go unnoticed.
  • If it feels like yelling to your partner, it is. Make the effort to lower your voice.
  • Say the thing you feel. Your spouse can feel something is bothering you.
  • You’re not giving a press conference. You’re not being interviewed. You can, and should, be vulnerable. You’re safe.
  • To achieve 50-50, each of you is going to need to give at least 60.
  • If you want to talk about something important, first ask am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired – H.A.L.T? If so, now isn’t the time to talk.
  • No threats. Ever.
  • Don’t text and fight.
  • Address issues early, or as they come up, to avoid built-up resentment.

Notes mentioning Marriage

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